


it burns (like the hole in my heart)

by orchantos



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Angst, M/M, Unrequited Love, everyone is sad
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-20
Updated: 2019-11-20
Packaged: 2021-02-16 01:29:33
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 367
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21499597
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orchantos/pseuds/orchantos
Summary: doyoung thinks about johnny, and how he got here.
Relationships: Kim Dongyoung | Doyoung/Suh Youngho | Johnny, Lee Taeyong/Suh Youngho | Johnny
Comments: 4
Kudos: 30





	it burns (like the hole in my heart)

doyoung can't stop thinking about johnny. 

with his kind heart and goofy endearing self, it was no wonder doyoung fell for him. he didn't even know when it happened. maybe it was the countless times johnny gave him affectionate hugs, enveloping him with his warm scent. or maybe it was when johnny never failed to comfort doyoung, making doyoung feel at home in his arms. doyoung didn't even think of liking him, only when discovering his feelings for johnny he realised he had fallen too deep. 

he was a fool, thinking there was a chance that johnny liked him back. johnny gave those same hugs to everyone, that affectionate to everyone. who was to say that doyoung was special? he was just another friend. another friend hopelessly in love. someone foolish. 

doyoung sighed. he doesn't know if he can get out of this one unscathed. he probably won't. 

but that's for the best, isnt it? to bury feelings deep down so as to not hurt anyone. to support johnny in his pursuit of taeyong. 

doyoung masks his feelings so well, he starts to feel happy for johnny liking taeyong. he can't tell what's real and what's not. 

he feels sadness, hopelessness, unloved. and yet, he can't feel anything. his heart grew icy, numbed to pain. 

it burns, it burns, it really burns. he feels too empty inside, a gaping hole in his chest where his feelings for johnny used to be. he supposes they got lost with time, but the moment he sees johnny, they spring up back to life. to remind him that johnny did and would not ever love him back.

he remains an empty vessel. perhaps, he could just go on like this. pretend everything's alright to not worry johnny. even when he watches johnny from afar falling deeper in love with taeyong despite being rejected. 

johnny tells doyoung he loves him. doyoung knows johnny tells that to everyone. he knows johnny doesn't mean it in the way doyoung needs it to be. 

he can't ever tell johnny. not when both of them are hurting.

he's lonely. painfully lonely. seeking for romantic affection. he's incomplete. 

doyoung holds his hand out. 

johnny watches. 

doyoung crumbles.

**Author's Note:**

> self indulgent hh


End file.
